Thoughts from the religious sex panel

There were three other panelists besides myself – a Wiccan priestess, a female minister from the United Church of Christ, and the male United Methodist minister.

Here are some of the questions that I remember in my words and not the words of the student who asked them. Overall there were about 10 questions and each of the four panelists gave their opinion on each:

1. Is sex different for clergy?
2. Does the Bible tell us the “rules” about sex?
3. Do you think a woman can be liberated by “opening her legs to the world”?
4. What do you think about same-sex marriage?

So how would you have answered these? I’d be curious to hear. I’m not going to share my answers here – if you are curious how I answered something, feel free to ask. What I am going to share is how I came across to the students. The professor did something very cool: at the end of the class period she had all the students take out a piece of paper and write to one of us – thanking us and giving us some feedback.

What stands out to me as I read these comments is the number of women who wrote their note to me. There were a lot of men in the class, but only one or two of these notes (including #2) were from men. The other thing that stands out to me is how much I was misquoted below. There was a lot of content during that hour and I’m not sure all of these notes reflect things I said or someone else!

These first seven are my favorites:

I would like to not only thank you full-heartedly for coming to our class and sharing your views, but also for your insight and articulate responses. I felt that you were by for the best panel member, and offered the most intelligent and thoughtful responses. I am not a practicing Christian, but your views seem very similar to mine. You are intelligent and I am extremely thankful that there are people like you out there guiding others (it helps to balance the crazies).

Thank you for your honest insight relating to the internet and how porn has created a false reality amongst young men/women. I had never really looked at it like that but it certainly makes sense.

Thank you for sharing your perspective with the class. I was most impressed with your discussion of the reality of sexuality; the longing for connection inherent in sexuality is not necessarily satisfied in the basic act of sex. This was very helpful to me.

You taught me that not all pastors feel the same about sex or the stigma surrounding pastors & sex –> the stigma that basically it is not talked about in religion. Thank you.

I appreciated your sentiment that the most important thing to consider is “Love God and Love your neighbor.” Thank you for being willing to put yourself in this interesting situation for our benefit.

Thanks so much for coming to our class. Your insight on your views with examples from your personal life really were great and made it feel like we were talking to our peers rather than someone from a higher standard. Thanks again!

I appreciated your openness and honesty. I feel like, though, we would disagree dogmatically. We are no threat to each other’s social or emotional security. This may sound very technical, but it is very significant to me, and I hope you can appreciate that.

I appreciated the openness you had and the more social approach you took towards the panel. You related your views to our demographic.

Thank you for taking the time to come to our class and talk honestly with us about some probably difficult questions. I appreciated your openness and learned a lot from what you had to share. Thank you!

It’s nice to see a church that is accepting of everyone and who embraces our culture as it is today, not how it was in the past.

I am so glad you were on our panel today. I truly valued your responses to the many questions and your responses really resonated with me. I also appreciate you being extremely open with us about your views and your personal life. You connected well with the audience. Thank you very much for coming and providing your insight.

I appreciate your openness to situations and different views. I learned that love and sex should be expressed through community and I agree completely so thank you.

I enjoyed how open you were. It made me much more accepting to hear what you and the other panelists had to say. So thanks!

Thank you for being here and being honest with your answers! Your honesty was definitely appreciated. Thank you!

I agree with your view that sex is an act of self-expression of the fundamental values you love in another person and of self-love as well. I agree that it is a physical act in response to mental values and love. Also, I agree there must be a meaningful commitment. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with my class – I felt you articulated your thoughts well. I think I would like to visit your church if you are a representation of the persons who attend. May you find a place in the universe today to glean hope.

Thank you so much for coming and putting yourself on the line. It was very insightful listening to you all! You have a lot of courage for talking about your beliefs and that of your church. You were a great speaker. Thanks again, very much appreciated!

When you were talking about what you get from the Bible and that it is not a list of what not to do – that really helped validate my feelings towards the religion I was raised with.

Good luck with your new church. Your enthusiasm is very convincing and powerful. Keep it up and you will see results. Be resourceful and good luck again.

Thank you for being so open and honest with our class. I feel you shared a lot with us that most people could not express. Thank you so much!

 

Facebook is frickin cool

I don’t know how many of you have noticed that these posts are also available on my Facebook “notes” page. I’m pretty impressed with that feature, but Facebook went further by adding the blog networks feature. This is way cool b/c you can now sign up to your favorite blog as a group on facebook. I’m not sure what this does for anyone in terms of helping them actually read their favorite blogs, but it sure is cool to invite people to subscribe to your blog. If you haven’t seen this feature yet, you should check it out. You should also subscribe to this blog and Quotes 2 Ponder.

 

Freakin Hillary-ious

Okay, so I saw this SNL skit today and found myself laughing out loud. Perhaps you will too

 

Change and the Middle Class

I came across this interesting quote today and posted it on my quotations website (which you should definitely check out, bookmark and promote for me if you haven’t already done so. I really need some traffic on it so I can start getting more quotes). It was quoted in a footnote in a book I’m trying to finish up called the Shaping of Things to Come by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch.

You see, when you’re middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied. (Douglas Coupland, Generation X, 171).

This is a really interesting quote to me on several levels because it gets right at the heart of the trade-off for being middle class. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being middle class (I myself am middle class) and yet there are obvious barriers for those of us who are middle class to actually agitate for change in this world.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but this quote got me thinking and I’m wondering if it will get anyone else thinking too. I’m sure there is something here for the current presidential race too, but I can’t quite put my finger on it yet.

 

Is Barack Obama Impressive?

I received so many comments on yesterday’s facebook status:

“Ryan is thinking that he’s taking too much heat from conservatives for thinking that Barack Obama is pretty impressive”

that it inspired me to write a post about it. I’m curious to know why so many evangelicals are still so caught up on the issue of abortion?

Now, I realize it is an important issue, but why can’t I, as a Christian, be impressed with someone who may not agree with me on the issue of abortion? Or lots of other issues for that matter. Why is abortion the issue for so many evangelicals?

Here’s my point – Abortion has been around since Roe v. Wade in 1973. There have been 7 presidents during these past 35 years only 2 of which were democrats. That means we’ve had 5 republican presidents (including Nixon who was in office when Roe v. Wade was happening) and none of them have done jack squat about abortion.

Here’s the point – abortion is here to stay. It’s not an issue that the president has much to do with. Sure you might sleep better at night with a president who agrees with you on this issue, but the fact of the matter is that a president is not going to change the stance on abortion in this country. I personally will sleep better having a president who is passionate about the issues that are affecting the majority of Americans.

I’m not sold on Obama yet. I have no idea if I’m going to vote for the guy. All I know is that he gave a hell of a speech the other night and I’m willing to keep listening to what he has to say.

 

Laughing with Alfred E. Newman

So I’ve discovered that my blog can be imported into my facebook. That’s pretty cool and this is my first attempt. Maybe now I’ll blog more (yeah right).

I saw this on my friend’s, Nick Turner, Facebook page and went to the source and think it is pretty hilarious. Kudos to Mad Magazine for being equal opportunity offenders!

 

Quotes 2 Ponder

I wanted to alert you all to a new blog I’ve created called Quotes 2 Ponder. The point of the blog is quite simple – it is a place to compile any quote about any thing. Every quote gets its own post with the author of the quote as the title and all sorts of categories can describe it. This makes it very simple to search for quotes either by author or by description. It is open to the public and my hope is that it will become the wikipedia of quotations. Anyone can contribute and any quote is welcome.

So if you come across a good one, consider adding it to quotes 2 ponder. I’ve created a link to it as well in my blogroll.

 

unChristian

Yesterday a friend alerted me to this new book that came out called unChristian (click the title of this post if you’d like to go to their website). It looks really interesting and I ordered a copy this morning if anyone would like to look at it once I finish with it. Here’s a video from an interview one of the authors had with CNN:

I’d love to get your thoughts on what you think of this video. How does this apply here in Missoula? Do you agree with Gabe Lyon? Disagree?

 

Contrasting Loves

I’m sitting in Liquid Planet this Valentine’s morning. Love is in the air. To my left is a family of four. To my right are three couples at various stages. Off to the left the man and woman hardly notice each other. They have two young girls and it seems like Dad is on a triple date. His enamor seems to be focused more on his 3 year-old than his lady. She smiles and coos at the other, younger daughter and tosses her gently in the air.

To my right is a young couple who haven’t stopped groping each other since I started writing this post. The couple straight in front of me look like they are on their first date – she’s all pimped out. They sit far from one another talking casually over croissants. He’s trying to get her to laugh. They might be on a business meeting for all I can tell. The third couple is older. They sit close. They say little. They are comfortable in one another’s silence.

The groping couple get up, give one another a playful hug and then walk out briskly only to return suddenly because she forgot her purse. He looks annoyed. The family of four heads out too – though much more slowly – cleaning up joyfully after the girls and smiling at one another. They are content to bask in each other’s company and enjoy the mess.

Four couples and four different phases of love. I can’t help but think about how all relationships (and community in general) morph over time and go through different stages. Love is organic – it eats, it sleeps, it gets excited, grows and changes. Love is patient for sure, but you also have to be patient with love. Love changes with time – most say it gets better as you get to know each other’s flaws and eccentricities. A married friend told me yesterday about her ex-boyfriend who called her up at age 43 wondering if he should settle down. “Is there still romance after you’ve been married for a while?” “What did he mean by ‘romance’?” I asked. “S-E-X” she said. “What did he mean by ‘sex’?” I inquired further. “Hot and sloppy or scheduled and real?” She laughs in understanding.

It seems to me that real relationships are the ones that stand the test of time – that can handle change. This is true community on the macro level. Can the community stand the tests of time? Can it handle change? Can it embrace and even appreciate the eccentricities and flaws of its members? This is what the Missoula Project is all about. We believe that real community only happens over time. Like a marriage, community needs commitment, hard work and sacrifice to be successful. It’s going to take time to learn one another’s flaws and eccentricities and even more time to learn to appreciate them.

Then I reflect on my own family life. I’m always in a hurry. I always have something else on my mind – something that needs my attention, something urgent. I realize how little I’m home. When I am home my mind is thinking about something else. I am easily annoyed by my wife and my kids. Is life passing me by? I rarely stop to appreciate the mess. I don’t stop to appreciate the flaws and eccentricities of those who tolerate mine. Instead I only get annoyed that these things keep me from comfort, my agenda and the “urgent” matter that is on my mind. I’m as much of a product of this fast-paced, instant gratification culture as anyone else. What is to become of my kids?

The older couple to my immediate right seems to have stood the test of time. As they get up to leave he helps her with his coat and then lets her pass in front of him gently touching the small of her back with his hand. There is a comfort between them as they stroll off together. A comfort that comes with years of sacrifice, hard work and commitment. In an instant gratification culture, they have learned that the true payoff comes with time.

 

Kirk, the homeless dude

I’ve got a dull ache this morning for a man I met on the street yesterday afternoon. I don’t know if he made it through the cold night last night (it was down around 0 degrees). Today I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering how he’s doing, praying that God would rescue him. His name is Kirk. He stopped me on the street and asked me for some money. When I asked him if he had an actual need I could meet (since I didn’t have cash to give him) he was honest enough to tell me that what he needed was a beer. He settled for a burrito and so I took him inside, bought him some lunch and sat down with him while he warmed up and ate. He was so embarrassed. He explained his situation – moved to Missoula from Louisiana in order to be with the girlfriend he had gotten pregnant. He was an alcoholic who had managed to clean himself up. He was supposed to never take another drink. He had managed to stay on the wagon for a year and half, but when he slipped up his girlfriend kicked him out. So here he was sitting in Taco Del Sol, reeking of alcohol, unshaved, unkempt, broke, broken and homeless. For some reason God had brought this man to me. How would I respond? How would I love this man whom everyone else in his life had rejected?

And so I ask that you pray for Kirk. I don’t know how Jesus wants us to love people like this. The unlovable. The broken. Those who would make our comfortable and clean little communities very uncomfortable. Those who might turn our lives upside down if we really let them in. Pray for us. We desperately want to love people like this. In many ways I realize that I’m not there yet. Kirk is a normal guy who has made some bad choices. The gap between him and me is not as far as it might appear simply by looking at us.

As we were walking into the taco shop Kirk held back, embarrassed about what the nice polished and clean people inside might think of him, drawing close to their personal space, being close to their food. “Kirk, look through that window at those people,” I told him, “they are just as, if not more, messed up than you are – they are just better at hiding it. And I’m worse than all of them. You are a person, a human being – don’t let anyone take your humanity from you.” Kirk’s head lifted and followed me inside. For a few minutes he was just like everyone else.